The Highlander Horoscope

Aries (March 21-April 19)

You share the same star sign with Lady Gaga. It can’t get better than this. Unfortunately my roommate’s cat started meowing very sadly while I was writing this, so I fear that bodes poorly for you, my dear. Sorry.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

This month you will experience something new and exciting, like maybe breaking something.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

Your horse allergy is about to get a lot worse.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

Go look at birds.

Leo (July 23-August 22)

Perhaps choices that come your way should be reconsidered.

Virgo (August 23-September 22)

The scales of your life may be at an imbalance, but it is in your power to restore normalcy.

Libra (September 23-October 23)

Sparkle on, it’s spring! Don’t forget to have fun and be yourself. :)

Scorpio (October 24-November 21)

If you stop to ask yourself, “Would that be too weird to say?” then that means you should absolutely say it.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

Consider being less strange and unsettling this month. Find a balance.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

Try spicing up your look this month by wearing something unexpected and daring.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18)

Remember to take out the trash.

Pisces (February 19-March 20)

You may not be THE chosen one, but you will soon be somebody’s chosen one. Don’t let this opportunity pass you by.